We're all some form of a control freak. That's what anxiety and worry are about- wanting to control the future in some way that elicits feelings of out of control-ness in the present. We plan. We micromanage. We try to control other people even in subtle ways. And yet, we still feel out of control most of the time. WHY?

Because this form of grasping for control is indicative of NOT having true control over the self. What's controlling the self are all these unconscious behaviors and patterns in our subconscious. When we bring these to light, to our conscious awareness, we then can control our actions, our reactions, our emotions, and when we change those actively, we also change the way others respond to us and ultimately our whole reality.

But why do we not want to reach full self-mastery? Because it's true commitment to the self. Most people don't want to know themselves that deeply. Most people never do. But if we dig deep and learn the roots and causes of what's ACTUALLY going on within us, we then have more of a sense of pure control which means we no longer need to control that which we CAN'T fundamentally control or change. This means we reduce our anxiety, our worries, our fears GREATLY. And once we do, well, we have more control to give over to people like me in safe spaces. That means we can get more of a sense of surrender. 

When we get a hold of ourselves, we allow others to hold us too.


How Do You Know When A Pattern is Cleared?

Relating to my last blog post about boundaries, when you make a conscious and concerted effort to rid yourself of a pattern, you'll attract it for the last time and watch it disappear from your life for good once you make the decision to NOT tolerate it.

This takes mindfulness. Notice why whatever it is feels familiar to you and face it head on. Or you will keep attracting it over and over.

For instance, I had a period where I was really struggling with boundaries and wanted this pattern to be cleared. For the next several days, even a week, my boundaries were constantly tested everywhere I went. I didn't pass the test however, because I never addressed it. It wasn't until a man at a coffee shop came up to me and kept asking me for something even though I refused to acknowledge him. Finally, I had enough, looked him dead in the eye and said "No."

He stopped. And then all boundary violations during that period stopped too.

In this vein, you'll see that you'll often attract situations and people to clear whatever it is you're repressing. For instance, if you are angry or frustrated, you'll often find that every situation that day is going to piss you off until you deal with your anger and it comes OUT. In the end it's just energy that needs to be released.