Control

We're all some form of a control freak. That's what anxiety and worry are about- wanting to control the future in some way that elicits feelings of out of control-ness in the present. We plan. We micromanage. We try to control other people even in subtle ways. And yet, we still feel out of control most of the time. WHY?

Because this form of grasping for control is indicative of NOT having true control over the self. What's controlling the self are all these unconscious behaviors and patterns in our subconscious. When we bring these to light, to our conscious awareness, we then can control our actions, our reactions, our emotions, and when we change those actively, we also change the way others respond to us and ultimately our whole reality.

But why do we not want to reach full self-mastery? Because it's true commitment to the self. Most people don't want to know themselves that deeply. Most people never do. But if we dig deep and learn the roots and causes of what's ACTUALLY going on within us, we then have more of a sense of pure control which means we no longer need to control that which we CAN'T fundamentally control or change. This means we reduce our anxiety, our worries, our fears GREATLY. And once we do, well, we have more control to give over to people like me in safe spaces. That means we can get more of a sense of surrender. 

When we get a hold of ourselves, we allow others to hold us too.

 

Acting

Has it occurred to you that we are all ACTING. Every single day of our lives? We may have a grasp of our "personalities" as is constructed and defined through living our lives, and other people may understand us as such, but WHAT IF all that we think we are is just a mechanism of control to feel safe in a predictable reality?

For instance, if I associate myself as "sweet", I act in accordance to that because then other people respond to me nicely. It's a way of controlling other people's reactions to me, because I have the experience of knowing that being "Sweet" begets a certain response.

But I am so much more than just that one quality that's come to the forefront of "who I am". We are all more than how we are defined, how we allow ourselves to be defined, and how we understand ourselves. Because we are WHOLE people.

When we let go of that subconscious control, we start to understand our real depths. We start to understand how much more is within our potential. We also start to see the full range, and appreciate that range, in other people. We can handle it because we can handle it within us.

The more we acknowledge things about ourselves, maybe qualities we've discarded, we can see how productive they truly are. Only when buried do they reveal their counterproductive sides- i.e. assertiveness can become aggression, confidence can become arrogance, etc..

Spiritual Avoidance

Spiritual avoidance is when someone operates purely from the higher chakras and disconnects her/him/them-selves from the lower chakras. Basically, someone disconnects from reality and escapes through spirituality and being "out of the body". You can see this a lot in spiritual communities, people who habitually journey into the ethers to avoid confronting themselves head on. Sometimes these types of people who forget that there's more work to be done and instead, sustain by absorbing high vibrational frequencies from high vibrational environments and drain other high vibrational people, but often don't do the real work. Meaning, they actually can't self-sustain their vibration without depending on something to carry them. Some people opt for this type of dissociation without meaning to, and that leaves you susceptible to being taken advantage of by other people and swept away in issues, energies that aren't yours.

Spirituality should never be used as a bandaid. It feels great to be in our higher chakras sometimes, to dissociate because it feels light up there, but eventually you're going to be brought back down. However high you go, you'll experience the equal effect downward, and sometimes it can be violent and even more traumatic. By going up in the higher chakras you are imbalanced. Many MANY spiritual teachings advocate for this type of transcendental approach, whereby your body is shameful, emotions are wrong and that for true mastery, we need to only be in spirit.

We are here on earth for a reason. Our spirits know this, so why leave the body? The most important thing you can do is to remember to ground. To stabilize, to always ask yourself what's real on this spiritual journey. What is real to you? How do you really feel? It's not healthy to constantly defer to love and light and continue to keep our hearts wide open to be drained and used. It's not okay to be soft, giving and peaceful ALL THE TIME in a world that's not any of those things and will eat you alive if you have no ego whatsoever. It's not okay to forget that we have anger, or frustration, or lower vibrational states. It's also not okay to think we've "moved beyond it". It's part of the human experience: basically, never forget you are human and that you have an ego because you need it to survive. True mastery, in my words, is learning what your ego is, all the shadow aspects, repressed and discarded elements, putting it back together and putting a leash on it. So instead of it controlling you, you control it.

Truth: We Cannot Be Perfect People

ALL of us are guilty of this- we have a set standard to which we strive to be. To function, we need to have this. This is the amalgamation of what others have deemed appropriate. To put it simply, this is the ego.

The EGO has a standard of perfection. Even if you aren't a perfectionist, you can still define perfection. The key is recognizing that even though EVERYONE CAN define perfection, everyone defines perfection differently. 

So even if you live by your own version of perfection, most others will not see you as such. What is perfection? It is pure ILLUSION. If you live in your own illusion of perfection, you feel impenetrable. You're living life the right way. You must be- WRONG. 

When we examine what it is that we believe is perfect and how we adhere to it, we can easily let go of it. These are restrictive patterns that we must let go of. Instead, we need to establish VALUES. Instead of perfection centered living, we become value centered. Instead of judging ourselves and others for upholding perfectionistic ideals, we sort them into our values to have a deeper understanding of how they function. We don't look at the surface anymore, we look deeper at the truth. If someone is in their own truth and it violates our own, we no longer need to share space with that person. It's always a choice, but we need to respect other people's truths and hold them accountable to such living. That is the only standard.