Feminine Dominance

I'm inspired to write about how femininity relates to my style of dominance. If you've been following along with me over the last year you might've read some bits and pieces of this, but today is when I put it all down on one page.

When I tell people I'm a domme, most will remark how masculine they would think dommes are. They're surprised because I'm so feminine, so soft. The truth of the matter is there is a great misconception here: that POWER is associated purely with masculine traits and that to be DOMINANT you must be more MASCULINE.

There is great, great power in properly wielding femininity. Masculine dominance is about power over others- it's a struggle, because one person must assert him/herself as ALPHA. Whereas, with feminine power, no one needs to struggle. The feminine power is and he, even alpha, submits to her willingly. Her dominance can be subtle, it can be sweet, it can be flowing and not forcing, and that's what makes her strong

As I've mentioned before, we have such weak associations with femininity in our society that by identifying as feminine, we often misidentify what it truly means. There are strong versions of femininity too- and no woman must give away that side of her to be perceivably strong and powerful. There isn't just one meaning to strength, nor is there just one side to femininity, nor to masculinity. 

By being a soft, feminine mistress, I can in fact, heal not only the repressed feminine aspect of you, but also give the masculine aspect a needed respite and direction- just because the masculine can be harsh does not mean that it does not need nurture- in fact, it NEEDS and CRAVES it because it is its opposite, and it is its complement. 


Someone who has had control over you at one point in your life will always have control over you unless you consciously decide to clear it, even if they are no longer physically in your life.

If you look back at all of your relationships, albeit seemingly disparate in nature, they're all different version of the same thing. I mean work relationships, situations, romantic relationships, ANY and all circumstances/people you attract into your life. You're attracting them because subconsciously there is a MATCH to a circumstance/person that came before, that you're still working out.

You'll then see that NONE of those situations were about the other person in the end. You might think it is, that's how our conscious minds like to direct our focus. It likes to trick us. It likes to convince us other people are the problem and we can find the solution. In reality, the people this is "about" are just showing us what it is we still haven't cleared inside of us. We ARE the solution, but the problem isn't what you think it is.

It's important to acknowledge that all of these things, even though they're difficult and can shake up unresolved uncomfortable feelings within us, are here to SHOW us something- to bring something to consciousness so that we can move forward. We need to thank it instead of sinking into victim behavior of "poor me, why did this happen again?" it's giving us the information to move forward. 

Sometimes you'll see that all of these circumstances collide and you fall into a rut. It might seem bleak, but this is your ego holding on as best as it can while you upgrade in vibration. It needs to create as many distractions as possible, but the breakthrough is near. Once you learn that you are not your small, egoic self and that nothing you think matters so much is actually important, and that your power comes from you as spirit, that's when you understand your truth.

Spiritual Avoidance

Spiritual avoidance is when someone operates purely from the higher chakras and disconnects her/him/them-selves from the lower chakras. Basically, someone disconnects from reality and escapes through spirituality and being "out of the body". You can see this a lot in spiritual communities, people who habitually journey into the ethers to avoid confronting themselves head on. Sometimes these types of people who forget that there's more work to be done and instead, sustain by absorbing high vibrational frequencies from high vibrational environments and drain other high vibrational people, but often don't do the real work. Meaning, they actually can't self-sustain their vibration without depending on something to carry them. Some people opt for this type of dissociation without meaning to, and that leaves you susceptible to being taken advantage of by other people and swept away in issues, energies that aren't yours.

Spirituality should never be used as a bandaid. It feels great to be in our higher chakras sometimes, to dissociate because it feels light up there, but eventually you're going to be brought back down. However high you go, you'll experience the equal effect downward, and sometimes it can be violent and even more traumatic. By going up in the higher chakras you are imbalanced. Many MANY spiritual teachings advocate for this type of transcendental approach, whereby your body is shameful, emotions are wrong and that for true mastery, we need to only be in spirit.

We are here on earth for a reason. Our spirits know this, so why leave the body? The most important thing you can do is to remember to ground. To stabilize, to always ask yourself what's real on this spiritual journey. What is real to you? How do you really feel? It's not healthy to constantly defer to love and light and continue to keep our hearts wide open to be drained and used. It's not okay to be soft, giving and peaceful ALL THE TIME in a world that's not any of those things and will eat you alive if you have no ego whatsoever. It's not okay to forget that we have anger, or frustration, or lower vibrational states. It's also not okay to think we've "moved beyond it". It's part of the human experience: basically, never forget you are human and that you have an ego because you need it to survive. True mastery, in my words, is learning what your ego is, all the shadow aspects, repressed and discarded elements, putting it back together and putting a leash on it. So instead of it controlling you, you control it.

Metrics of Identity

When you define yourself by a broader category, you let go

When you aren't assigning yourself a firm identity rooted in uniqueness, entitlement, privilege, there is much less to uphold. Sometimes, this identity isn't even your own doing. Other people assign this rigid categorization to you because of your track record of successes or their grandiose expectations of you. There's little room within, there's more pressure, there's more of a sense of me.

When you surrender that sense of self for Me... when, in the stead of being the whatever special version of yourself you become simply, my sub, my slave.. when I slip the black, tight hood over your head, you no longer recognize yourself in the mirror. you have become de-personalized. you are now just 1 of 7.5 billion people (okay maybe you are slightly kinkier than the average but that's all the credit I'll give to your new identification). I take your ego. I take your power. I control you.

you are done. you are gone. What liberation. The world is no longer out to get you, nor does it revolve around you. your baggage finally is discarded because I've forced you to set it down.

And now finally, you have a real purpose.

To serve Me.

And in your vanilla life, this fuels you in all your complexity. But even then, you crave the space of surrender I've created for you.