Restoring Boundaries

If you've had perpetual boundary violations since you were young, the likelihood of your energetic boundaries being destroyed are 100%. There are 7 layers of energy in the human aura, and they all inform the world of different things (ex: relationship with money, with people.. some people perpetually repel or attract certain substances material or otherwise)

Haven't you noticed how some people you just naturally react to a certain way? You could know nothing about their personality, and perhaps if you are retrospective you might think, "why did I act like that with that person?" when you know you don't normally react a certain way. 

For instance, I have a friend who mentioned how a woman she knew would, at every social gathering, somehow attract the unwanted attention of a sleazy sexual predator type. She noticed that even though she was at the same parties as this girl, she'd never attract this same kind of attention. This girl had a past where she was sexually abused and she was unknowingly attracting these situations due to her trauma.

Or for instance, I had a friend who was used to caustic, demeaning treatment. At the same gatherings, we would sit next to each other and talk to the same person, yet the reactions she garnered were always hostile and mine were peaceful. For instance, one time we were at a Q&A and she asked a question right before me. She got shot down and humiliated in front of the auditorium, whereas that didn't happen for me.

This is because your energy is informing the world of how to treat you. If you have unresolved traumas or patterns you haven't cleared, this is why whatever is unresolved is coming back to you time and time again. These are BLESSINGS in disguise, because they tell you what it is you still need to clear that is clearly impacting you.

For instance, for many years I would randomly attract men who out of nowhere would blow up at me and scream at me in public. I wouldn't even do anything and somehow these emotionally unstable men would verbally attack me. No one else was attracting this. Then for many many years I attracted men who would start chasing me, sometimes in broad daylight, threatening to harm me. No one else would, so why was I?

The answer is because my father used to blow up at me and attack me at random, and other times he would chase me around the house threatening to kill me. These were unresolved traumas that not only impacted my energetic body, but my energy centers too. More on energy centers later-

If you become more aware and mindful of what your energy is dictating, you can CHANGE it and then attract what it is you WANT as opposed to the past.

Those of you who, like me, have had damaged energetic boundaries from abuse, will most likely keep in the pain and keep out the good. I grew up not being able to absorb or receive love, support, compliments. But every time someone treated me badly it would be stored in my energetic body because it matched the pain inside my soul. The pain body then builds up. The good thing about this is that the bigger the pain body, the bigger the opportunity and potential for CHANGE and COMPASSION. If you've experienced pain, you have the depth and knowledge to help others who feel pain, too.

Then there was the pressure I felt from others to "forgive" and just carry on as if nothing happened in the past.

Let me tell you something- forgiveness is not to pardon someone else's poor behavior. Forgiveness is for YOU. For you to let go of the pain in your heart and to move on. Sometimes it has little to nothing to do with the other violator especially if they have not demonstrated clearly that they would like to change. And let's be clear that saying they'd like to change, or apologizing, is not the same as actually showing it. We can choose not to associate with people who harm us, because our duty is always to look after ourselves. This message is purely for those souls who put others first, not the dog eat dog types out there who exploit others to get ahead. 

How do you reset your boundaries beyond mindfully identifying where the damage is? Being consciously aware of where the damage originated and making a conscious decision to change it. To release the pattern. Reprogram. Energy healing, reputable spiritual advisors all help to change this if you cannot do it yourself. And you will see your outer world change as you do less. We may think that our personalities and appearance determine how the outer world responds but no- it's energy that's informing other people's energy and subconscious that's the greater source of information.

When you correct imbalances and heal your energy, you can do less and get more.


Let's talk about periods.

Exactly. Did you just have a visceral reaction? Even as a woman, upon reading this did you feel somewhat uncomfortable?

In many cultures, periods were seen as a time of healing for a woman during which she was in touch with the divine feminine. This was a time of insight, of retreat, of purification.

Yet in our modern society we are told to shove a piece of cotton up our vaginas and not talk about it. God help us if we leak. We're labeled crazy or told that we must be PMSing if we get angry. This NEGATES THE EXPERIENCE OF A WOMAN.

I don't even need to have a broader commentary besides pointing to this example to raise awareness of the negative attitudes towards FEMININITY. This is a tricky topic for me as a domme because many sessions which involve feminization sometimes, and often do include an aspect of humiliation with which this DENIAL of femininity serves as the centrifugal force for that session. But for others who do not rely on humiliation that at its core is sexism, embrace femininity. It will help you.

And if we continue to deny the divine feminine, what we create is IMBALANCE. What we have are female/male polarities within each of us regardless of what sex we express. Gender is socialized. Sex is biological.

We do it many ways- we grow up writing with one hand, thereby strengthening one side of our brains and not the other. 

When only women are told to be on invasive birth control, not only does this create hormonal imbalance which is WIDESPREAD imbalance in our body that isn't isolated to one particular part, we create blockages in our energetic body. The IUD destroy's a woman's sacral chakra (which also governs success and creativity) as any piece of metal that isn't supposed to be in a human's body will CUT OFF THE ENERGETIC BALANCE IN THAT AREA AND SUBSEQUENTLY BLOCK OTHER CHAKRAS.

We are not told this because no one wants us to know we walk around with blockages and imbalance, so we will get used to this way of being. So that we then approach everything with imbalance and lack. So that we continue to consume, subconsciously knowing that there's something wrong/missing. What would be helpful is to know that it's time to turn within and work on ourselves, not divert that lack outward into consumerism. 

What more is that the way our technology interferes with dating (i.e. the hook up culture) creates grave imbalances in our hearts. We learn to close it off in order to survive in the modern dating culture of swiping. When our hearts close, all other chakras go out of balance immediately. It is what connects the higher to the lower chakras, establishing union between mind, body.

Balance is the end goal. That is the way we were born, that's what we must return to.

The Color Orange

I've been paying a lot of attention to the sacral chakra recently- if you've noticed in my writings.

When I was about 3/4, I first moved to America. One of the things my mom noticed which was quite bizarre was my sudden distaste for oranges. I hated everything associated with oranges- including the color, the smell of oranges. No one could figure out why including myself- it is told me to time and time again that I absolutely LOVED oranges when I was a toddler in China. This hatred for Orange continued my entire life. I vividly remember my mother trying to force me to drink orange juice as a kid, and me wanting to vomit. This remained of the greatest mysteries of my life- no one could remember any traumas associated with oranges that could have turned me off of them for life.

Things start to make sense at a certain point when you develop the sensitivity and the expansion, the capacity and the strength to pursue your self-actualization. There are pieces of information we are all missing in relation to ourselves. The way our society is now shuts our self-development DOWN and some of us will never realize the messages nor connect the dots. 

When I left China, I left my real home. I left the people I loved, who raised me for a foreign place where I felt isolated, disconnected, abandoned. I never processed this as a child- my mother told me that I put on a brave face and decided I would go to America and never looked back. I didn't cry. But the pain was there- it manifested in horrific stomach pains and problems with digestion for a long time in my childhood- why? This area is governed by the sacral chakra, which is ORANGE.

The sacral chakra governs all the emotions connected to childhood. I never processed this, and truly felt scared- you can imagine how much sadness and grief and loss a little girl would feel after making such a big move and losing all of your loved ones. This process literally SHUT DOWN my sacral chakra (which continues to be my weakest chakra) and exposure to the color orange, the fruit orange (fruits and colors trigger the vibrations in the chakra) would have forced me to process what was there. As a child I could not handle it.

As of late, as my intuition and spiritual connection has blossomed, I've noticed that unknowingly, I'll grab things that are orange- it is subconscious. I now am in a healing stage where my actions are signs as to what needs work. The sacral chakra works in conjunction with the third eye chakra which for me is very developed. Together, they activate more creativity. As this has gotten stronger, I've noticed that I gravitate towards yellow things- this was my second weakest chakra- the solar plexus chakra. In my aura reading yesterday, it was the only color missing.. 

Open your Heart

There are several reasons I have chosen BDSM and pro-domming as my outlet to speak my truth, refine my art and heal others. Besides a few I've outlined on twitter and my revised Sessions page, another is because of the unique demographic I have access to.

Most of you are well earning men who are victims of socialization and structures of "masculinity" where you walk around with a closed heart. You are taught that to feel means you are weak. You are taught that to desire submission, you are weak. This structure of masculinity actually creates weakness and frailty. It creates imbalance. It creates someone who is afraid to be in touch with his feminine side, for fears of judgment and shame. This creates self-rejection which manifests as rejections of others around you because innately, we all embody both masculine and feminine. This creates a closed heart. This creates fear, of yourself, and of the very rejection you externalize. Do you recognize patterns where you reject the women that want you, but want the ones that reject you? It is not about the women- it is about how you deal with yourself. This pattern tells you that you cannot accept your femininity and embrace your self-rejection. Look up Carl Jung's animus/anima for analytical psychology background principles on the feminine/masculine duality within us all.

You are broken and fragmented the moment you are brought into this world. As soon as you are told, "boys don't cry". You think you are adhering to laws that protect you but society has created laws that violate and run against universal laws. You think you are protected but you are not. Society cannot protect you more than materially the more you deviate from universal law, the ones that decide your health.

In the last 40 years, women have been able to freely express their masculinity. Women have advanced far beyond what men have been able to. Although men do have certain privileges in society, you are at a distinct disadvantage. You are marginalized (not within human structures, but within a universal structure) and worse, no one wants to offer you help because of the privileges you have. To express anything traditionally non-cis gendered implies something damaging, within the structures we live. The pressure you hold on your shoulders just by living, without knowing, creates high energetic imbalance, health and mental issues. This is why you feel anger and frustration. You are imprisoned by the very structures that grant you crumbs of privilege for your adherence.

But it is not enough. You deserve more. You deserve freedom. Why settle for crumbs?

Part of the reason I've been so open with sharing my life story, the history that causes me to feel pain are in hopes that my openness will elicit your openness. When you read, watch and hear my stories, when you feel the empathy for me, or when you feel that it touches on your own history and you finally process what you've been holding onto all these years, I help raise your vibration.

When you raise your vibration you get closer to reaching truth, purity and divinity.

When your vibration is raised, you experience health, abundance and freedom. The fountain of youth and vitality.

You become strong.

You become whole.

You become someone who can easily and readily manifest your own reality, one that includes happiness and love.

Do not forget how to love because you ARE love.