Has it occurred to you that we are all ACTING. Every single day of our lives? We may have a grasp of our "personalities" as is constructed and defined through living our lives, and other people may understand us as such, but WHAT IF all that we think we are is just a mechanism of control to feel safe in a predictable reality?

For instance, if I associate myself as "sweet", I act in accordance to that because then other people respond to me nicely. It's a way of controlling other people's reactions to me, because I have the experience of knowing that being "Sweet" begets a certain response.

But I am so much more than just that one quality that's come to the forefront of "who I am". We are all more than how we are defined, how we allow ourselves to be defined, and how we understand ourselves. Because we are WHOLE people.

When we let go of that subconscious control, we start to understand our real depths. We start to understand how much more is within our potential. We also start to see the full range, and appreciate that range, in other people. We can handle it because we can handle it within us.

The more we acknowledge things about ourselves, maybe qualities we've discarded, we can see how productive they truly are. Only when buried do they reveal their counterproductive sides- i.e. assertiveness can become aggression, confidence can become arrogance, etc..

It's A Choice

Growing up with very selfish and withholding parents set me up to feel most comfortable with those who were also like them. My whole life I had much of everything taken from me and expected little to nothing in return. This is just the expectation set by people who act as models for your lifetime of encounters until you realize what it is and choose otherwise.

My whole lifetime I gave to others and had little idea of my own needs. I'd never even been asked what they were, nor had the space to think about it. My life revolved around the needs and wants of others until very very recently. I had trouble asking for things too, because I not only expected to not receive what I wanted, but I also had my life threatened on many occasions as a child, for asking for basic things.

By way of universal law, during my own healing process I was taught a very important lesson. When I walked onto a bus coming back to NYC recently, I asked a girl if I could sit next to her. She had one of the only open seats left. She looked at me reluctantly, and said,

"Are there no other seats? I want to lie down,"

The old me would've thought this was fine, normal behavior. I would've thought this girl had all the right in the world to behave this way and thought no less of her. But the me who had replied and dealt with the patterns that were governing my choice in people and the behaviors I accepted from others kept walking. I was appalled. 

The second woman I asked immediately said, "of course!" as if she could not believe the answer could possibly be no. As soon as I sat down, she said, "and if you want to plug in anything, the plugs are by my leg"

As simple as this scenario is, it made me realize that these two people had the same access to seats. The way they treated them was starkly different. This was a reminder that when facing a selfish, withholding person, to literally, keep walking. Someone better is around the corner.

I expected nothing my whole life, and now I know I deserve more. There are good people and there are bad people. It is always a choice. 

If you have negative attitudes about people, figure out what you're attracting and why you agree to this pattern.