We're all some form of a control freak. That's what anxiety and worry are about- wanting to control the future in some way that elicits feelings of out of control-ness in the present. We plan. We micromanage. We try to control other people even in subtle ways. And yet, we still feel out of control most of the time. WHY?
Because this form of grasping for control is indicative of NOT having true control over the self. What's controlling the self are all these unconscious behaviors and patterns in our subconscious. When we bring these to light, to our conscious awareness, we then can control our actions, our reactions, our emotions, and when we change those actively, we also change the way others respond to us and ultimately our whole reality.
But why do we not want to reach full self-mastery? Because it's true commitment to the self. Most people don't want to know themselves that deeply. Most people never do. But if we dig deep and learn the roots and causes of what's ACTUALLY going on within us, we then have more of a sense of pure control which means we no longer need to control that which we CAN'T fundamentally control or change. This means we reduce our anxiety, our worries, our fears GREATLY. And once we do, well, we have more control to give over to people like me in safe spaces. That means we can get more of a sense of surrender.
When we get a hold of ourselves, we allow others to hold us too.