Brought me up on fear. She was type A to the core- nothing was ever enough. Because she viewed her children as achievements, the burdens of her type A were pushed onto me. Before I achieved something I was on to the next achievement. My identity depended on this, any spaces in between achievements and I fell into depression, I fell into a space where I did not exist, because my sense of identity was tied to achievements. But these achievements were barely allowing us to scrape by. It was like a drug addiction. The next achievement had to be more than the former to even be registered the same way.
"I'll be happy when I do this. When I get that" was always at the back of my mind, yet never rang true. There was a sense of emptiness, always. I didn't realize that emptiness was because I was seeking me. The real me. My spirit.
We don't see Type A as fear based since it's exalted especially in cities such as NYC, but that's all it is. We aren't getting enough right now, we're lacking pedigree, achievements, money, whatever. It's fear that we aren't enough right now. It's fear of the present moment. It's an intensity that will lead to our destruction. The human body can only handle so much, especially of fear.
What we miss is that this type of lack induced behavior creates more LACK and EMPTINESS. It comes full circle, always. What we resist persists. And when you burn all of your own energy so readily, exhausting yourself to fulfill the type A pattern, you reach for all the supply you can find and most often that's of your children who unconsciously give because they love you.
Becoming an energetic vampire is not what someone wants to be consciously. And what I've realized is that I can LOVE someone so much as a person, yet on an energetic level be so drained by them. Sometimes people take this personally, but it's not personal. It's energetic.
Someone so selfless can be energetically selfish. Someone so "pure" on a material plane can actually be spiritually ABSENT and TOXIC. Be aware of what your energy dictates, what types of relationships it sets up, and what type of treatment it attracts. It's not always the other person- they might just be responding to you "appropriately". For instance, someone with self-esteem issues may attract people who treat them badly and reinforce the issues. Or, they could elicit bad treatment from otherwise good people, because they energy informs the other person to treat them this way, because it's the only form of treatment that matches what they view as true.
Recognize the duality at play, the paradoxes. Recognize the different dimensions of interactions we have. Sometimes, most times, it's not even about the words. It's the spaces in between and what's emitted in those spaces.
Every interaction is an energetic transaction. And you can be on the losing end because energy equalizes. The person with the highest vibration will have to sacrifice his/her energy to the person with lower vibration until it equalizes and if the person of a high vibration has broken energetic boundaries (Which we all do, it's a necessary part of survival) then they also are taking in the denser energies (pain, trauma) into their body to assist the equalization process.
The sooner we understand what the most brilliant minds did, that we are ALL energy and we CREATE our own realities, the sooner we can all be liberated and interact with each other in more meaningful ways. And therein lies the REAL cure for our suffering and disease.