Just came across this article in NYMag
This is devastating
For those who have been following along with my recent writings- you'll understand it all amounts to something. I felt a higher calling to suddenly be honest and truthful about my own experiences despite a life time of feeling scared/needing to conceal my story (esp in this industry where most conceal any traces of themselves to be an empty container for fantasies- I was advised countless times not to be so open for my own safety). This was before I knew of any sort of political impact of my story or the direct relevancy- you can track the dates. At the time I thought Hillary would win but now I understand why I felt this pull- I am representative of MOST of the identities that feel the oppression directly, especially now. I did not know where the history of abuse//mental health awareness pieces fit in until I read that article.
I see hope, but I cannot help seeing the tears all around me.
It is now that I understand my life's purpose. My story is one that needs to be told, so that this new generation (post-millennials, probably most directly affected as their ideologies center on identity politics) does not feel alone, hopeless, rejected- they are the people we need for innovations, to save this world, and they need to feel trusted and heard. I trust in my own ability to reach hearts- in my vanilla life last year I wrote a piece on a whim, didn't edit- articulating the pain of my Chinese-American identity that received 10k likes and 1.3k shares- ignited a media frenzy in China as it was translated and circulated on we chat and on popular news platforms- Undergrads stopped me in the halls when they recognized me- I received countless messages, emails, and even linked-in messages (I have since deleted my linked-in so people cannot trace me- that side of me has died) from people who felt at once, understood, acknowledged for the other-ization they have also felt. It was a message that was universal- people who were not Chinese-American but grew up in different cultures felt connected and I was interviewed by several students who based their final projects around it in search of their own identities. My panel at NYU in which I presented about queering media was completely filled- many were Chinese students who had read my story and came to see me speak- no other panel was half as filled (oh PS I also presented at Stanford while as an MA student- trust me, I know what I'm doing)
I'm going to channel that power into fulfilling this mission. If you are reading this, you know that there is something that you identify with in this story. This is something bigger than me- this is not about me at all- this is about the accumulation of my experiences that can directly benefit others. My vulnerability will be my power.
If you are in support of me, there will be big gains for you as long as your heart is in the right place. And I will only approach you and invite you into my world if I feel in my heart you are here for bigger goals and selfless reasons.
I want to make this world a better, more empathetic, more accepting and more open place and I will die trying. Everyone including you benefits from this if I succeed in my mission.
This is my biggest undertaking to date and it will be the one that gets all of my life's energy (and you know this is huge- I have the ability to reorient the electricity so that the lights blink to the pace of my heart just by sharing the same space- check my social media if you don't believe me- I also have been breaking my new computer when I touch it/freezing my phone when I pick it up). And read the reviews about my "well-spring of energy" and the "spiritual awakenings"/surges of energy I give people in sessions even before I had the chance to refine it/learn how to channel it- this is a real energy source I have the privilege of tapping into. Meet me if you don't believe it, if you get the chance.
I have always known that there was some greater good I would be serving- and thank goodness for my intuition that spoke of certainty now, 3 times. Once when I stepped onto the campus at NYU. Twice when I set foot in a dungeon for the first time, and thrice, now, when I finally grew into Me.
When you serve Me, you serve Mother Earth too. The good of this world. Love is the higher power.
P.S. Timing is everything- didn't I tell you I had an impeccable ability to know when to act? I always catch the fucking wave.