The Submissive is Always in Control

Is that true?

No, that's a cliche.

It's not about the illusion of control, but truly if there is trust, attraction, faith, you can go a lot further. When someone trusts you because you've earned their trust and when you say you won't drop them, they'll fall backwards into your arms.

That's when you get into REAL power exchange.

Not everyone is willing to go that far, but if you find the right person and you can, so much opens up. It's limitless.

I don't know how many subs I've had who have all said to me, "I've never done that before" no matter how many dommes they've seen before. They let me, because they know I have their best interest in mind, they've opened up their mind and because of that, they've found a new pathway of pleasure and learned something new about themselves.

They learn to tell their own stories differently and that subtle shift in narrative means everything.

WE ARE THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES, AFTERALL.

xoxo AC

Solitude

There used to be a certain shame I had in relation to being perceived "alone"

Since I was little I was such an introvert. Always in my head, very quiet. My parents left me alone for the majority of the time, so I got used to it. It made more sense to be alone, but I didn't want to be perceived that way for fear it would make me unlikeable. Back then, if you didn't have a flock of friends, it was like you were more vulnerable in your own insecurities. If someone didn't validate you with their presence or their assurance, where could you hide?

Being alone is a luxury I worked to get. I waited through college, through a few years of living with roommates to finally be able to get a place of my own. There's a certain luxury to being wanted, your company welcomed and even craved, but rejecting that and opting to be alone.

I used to be afraid that if I didn't have a ton of friends with me all the time, or at least digitally connected, other people wouldn't like me. We like the people who are popular and seen with others, afterall. 

Nowadays once in a while I'll go out to dinner alone. And sometimes I'll get looks- it's a curiosity: "why is she alone?" Lunch alone is acceptable, but dinner makes people wonder. I remember when I was 23, one night, walking home alone, and a guy shouted at me, "why is a girl like YOU going home alone?" and I shrugged.

"I'm going home alone because I chose it," I whispered, under my breath, not wanting to engage further with him.

Instead of shame, of hiding the truth that essentially, I am alone, as we all are, I'm now proud. I don't need anyone and when I do want someone, I want them because they add something, not because they've suddenly filled a void. Back then, even though my social circle was full and I spent much more time with people than I do now, there was a pervasive feeling of loneliness. I must've tried hard to hide that, but through the years after getting in touch with myself, that feeling went away. Loneliness is just you looking for you.

There are many people who would love to take me out to dinner. I know this because of how many advances, calls, texts, matches I've ignored. I have yet to go on one date where someone didn't ask me out again and/or leave the ball in my court. Friends have said, "do you see the way men look at you?" and I respond, "what? no." because it's a part of my reality, I don't know any differently, and being a sensitive, I feel all the sexual energy directed towards me. I don't have to pay for companionship, if I wanted to see someone the likelihood of them saying no is very slim. But I choose to take myself out to dinner alone because it asserts a certain agency. I can be with someone, but I choose not to be. And I choose to earn my own living and be by myself, instead of settle or be dependent. At least alone, I can be real, which isn't always the case with company.

It's this choice that's a luxury. And I feel fortunate. Will I always be alone? No. But while I choose to be, I'll enjoy it. And that's what makes my company even more valuable.

"the capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it's not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person-- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they now that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other," -Osho

xoxo AC

Sacral Chakra & Submission

I write this because on a planetary level, we are all going through a sacral chakra healing.

Have you been feeling more emotional lately, or have had pain in the lower portion of your stomach?

Have old, emotionally charged memories surfaced?

If so- you're undergoing the healing.

Part of being human presently enforces us to bury our true natures to the point where we don't know who we are or how we feel. Numb the pain mentality is prevalent. We do what we can to get through our days, sometimes and then we go through bouts of frustration, stress and we don't know why. 

Our sacral chakra is the energy center that sits at our lower abdomen. For men and women, it governs sexuality, creativity, emotions, intimacy and money. It also is the center that can be blocked by shame and guilt. For men, it also can be blocked because it is feminine and many men are taught through tenants of masculinity to repress feminine energy. For women, we are taught to disown our natural feminine in a femininity negating culture where feminine sexuality is denied (slut shaming etc..) and we're taught to be ashamed of our femininity (think about the embarrassment and shame tied to menstruation). Many women in toxic industries that disown femininity because feminine traits are "weak" and women must act like men in order to get ahead, will often develop illnesses in feminine areas like ovarian cysts, etc because that's a metaphysical extension of the denial and repression and self-hatred re: femininity.

We hold our true sexual identities here- that which brings us pleasure. And pleasure brings us back to ourselves and to our source. I'm not talking addiction riddled, over the top pleasure, but basic pleasures of being human including a healthy sexuality. What we regard as "kinky" or "queer" or that which isn't within the culturally defined box of "normal" sexuality we often repress or cover up with shame, which then distorts, blocks and alters the energy flow of our sacral chakra, which then blocks all which is associated- creativity AND money and access to SOURCE energy, AND intimate relationships. Yes- distortions with one will impact the other. Not to mention, distortions in one energy center will affect the quality of the flow through all other centers. This impacts internal balance and wellness. Ideally we want to be a clear channel so source energy can flow equally through all parts of us.

That's why for those of you who truly have a submissive nature (and arguably many men have more difficulties with admitting to this because of what's expected of them in society and different industries) will often have blocked sacrals that then block the energy flow into other aspects of their lives. This is when disease happens, or especially pertaining to the sacral, sometimes men can develop sexual dysfunctions because of blocked emotions they're unconsciously not allowing themselves to process, or, more literally, they cannot "connect" with their partners because the fear of intimacy is too strong and has not been dealt with.

If you are a submissive, choose the dominant that resonates with you (and say it's mutual), allowing yourself to submit to not just him/her/they, but to YOUR true nature will relieve a ton of the blockages and resistance in your sacral chakra related to shame and repression. Arguably shame and repression surrounding sexual identity is the biggest thing holding back the evolution of humanity. We need to embrace our sexual natures in a healthy way in order to become fully EMBODIED.

This requires true vulnerability, not just to self, but to him/her/they. Vulnerability is the precursor to self-awareness, connectedness and surrender. We can't receive if we aren't vulnerable, just like we can't be perceived if we aren't. If we don't allow ourselves to be seen, we'll be invisible to ourselves and everyone else. And surrender is the ultimate precursor to liberation, which is the pathway to the highest vibrational state of peace and nonresistance.

When we get there, all things open up, including our hearts.

Have you been looking for meaning for a while? Do you feel lost? Well this is how you find it.

TED Nomination

For those of you who've been asking if there's anything you can do for me: there is.

I would appreciate it if you'd nominate me for Ted here

I know that in this current political climate, visibility is risky, however, there's no better time to address sexuality, spirituality and offer an antidote to toxic masculinity (AND toxic femininity! It's not all on men!). Not to mention, to be a new face, new voice that shapes how BDSM/kink/healing is understood in the mainstream. I aim to share the potentials of BDSM through my own template of healing.

It's been a massive undertaking working through my own fear towards visibility, but here I am on the other side, ready, willing and I'm doing this to help liberate so many people in what is considered a time of spiritual, sexual, healing crisis.

I have nothing to lose. Join me on my mission to redefine, re-frame, and ultimately, towards radical empathy & authenticity.